Seriously…

  • January 29, 2010 4:27 pm

Being serious is often seen as a virtue – “Speaking seriously” says the person making an important public address; “I take my career seriously” says the person as they tell others about the virtues of forward planning, having long term goals, playing office politics and out-manoeuvring the opposition.

I’m not suggesting there are not important issues to be addressed, or that having an overall direction that you wish to move in is wrong. I am suggesting, however, that seriousness can become a way-of-being that weighs you down, and that a career direction can become a set of blinkers that starves  your creativity and spontaneity.

What I’m proposing is balance. Take time to splash in the waves, play with children, dogs and butterflies, and colour with crayons. Notice if you think “how silly” – that might be a sign that ‘being serious’  is a role you are finding it hard to escape.

John Lennon wrote “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” If you look and listen carefully, the next flower you smell or sunset you watch could be a key that opens you to happiness!

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Meditation on anxiety

  • November 28, 2009 5:28 pm

I aim to meditate most mornings. Why? It gives me an opportunity to hang out with myself, to gift myself with space, and it reminds me to love myself, no matter what is going through my mind.

That last one – the importance of loving myself – I keep realising just how big and important a thing that is. This morning I started to realise my feelings of anxiety which were present are associated with a splitting inside my psyche.  There is a part of me that is worried I have done something wrong – it goes round and round about it. And I noticed one of the things that gives that energy – that keeps pushing it round and round – is the part of me that is ready to punish me for whatever it is. That part of me is waiting with a big stick ready to pounce. “See, you made a mistake!”

So I could treat this in a therapeutic way – I could explore my feelings around my upbringing, my fear of getting into trouble as a child, my feelings about schooling, etc. And that could be really interesting and useful and insightful.

And, I could just sit with it – which is what I did with it this morning. I sat into the centre of the feelings – emotional and body sensations. And in doing that this morning, I noticed there is a subtle movement in me that considers these difficult feelings as something to be made right – that these feelings need to be made ‘better’. If I stop feeling these feelings, then I’ll be more spiritual.

But hang on, this means right now I’m not completely loveable  to myself – I would be if I changed – but right now I’m not…

And so by sitting in the feelings, and by choosing not to regard them as a mistake, I touched into a place where there was more of just noticing the sensations – and less of trying to fix them or calm them away. And so I moved away from being caught by them, of identifying with them.

It was a very satisfyingly gritty place! And a place where it was far more alright to be me, right now – completely loveable right now, no bits left out.

And so today, I am far less anxious…

Isn’t the human psyche fascinating!

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Self Care – what is it?

  • November 21, 2009 3:44 pm

What is Self Care? The answer “looking after myself” may be the first thing that comes to mind. But what if I dig a little deeper -

  • What do I enjoy?
  • What  nurtures me?
  • What is really important to me?

If I dig even further, then I can get to a place of “Well, which part of me am I wanting to care for anyway? ” Is it the Self that spends time at work every day? Is it the Self that wants to get a new job? Is it the Self that plays with my children? Is it the Self that argues with my partner?

We all have different parts of ourselves that compete for attention.  I want to go out and see a movie, but at the same time I want to stay in and read a book; I want to order another glass of wine, but at the same time I don’t want to be worrying about a random breathtest on the way home. I want to have an income, but I don’t want to work.  So many competing desires, so little time!

So what’s the answer? Am I going to care for the Self that wants to have a great income, or am I going to care for the Self that wants time out?

There is no ‘right’ answer to any of these questions – but there is your answer, right now. An answer that comes from getting very quiet and listening; an answer that comes from your heart and mind, not just your head.

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